Wedding Wednesday – The Struggle of Being a COVID Bride

As many of you are aware, since I have posted about it time and time again, John and I were suppose to wed Saturday, April 18, 2020. There was so much excitement in the air and yet a feeling of anxiety whenever I would glance at my list of things left to do. The feeling was overwhelming but so magical at the same time. We were only about 4 weeks away from the big day when I received the dreaded phone call I was hoping I would be lucky enough to avoid. “Due to COVID-19 we need to reschedule your wedding.” Can we take a moment and realize how devastating this was to hear? I’m sure thousands of others can relate.

I spent months planning this one special day, to have my one special moment, and in another singular moment it was all taken away. I felt defeated, depressed, angry, and uncertain. What do I do now? How do we tell my guests? How does rescheduling a wedding work? What if all my vendors aren’t available on the same day? What about my honeymoon? Can I get my money back? So many questions running through my head like it was a marathon on repeat, what a nightmare!

My venue went down the list of each bride from the closest wedding to the furthest. When it came to be my turn they gave me a list of dates that were still available, starting with as early as June. I chose a new date of Saturday, August 15, 2020. That seems like a crazy date to have chosen but to be fair that gave us about 4-5 months and I know most people were thinking this would blow over in a couple of months. I mean, COVID couldn’t ruin all summer right? Plus doesn’t a virus die in the heat? I was using all the logic I could in pushing this date back.

I should mention, as many of you know, John is in the Military. I don’t think people understand just how hard it is to plan such a huge event months in advance in the Military. Neither John or I have any control over his lifestyle or his time. John could take leave (which is equivalent to a civilian taking vacation), be approved, and they still could easily ignore his leave request and throw him on a 2 week trip or deployment. John also isn’t allowed to put any type of leave in for at least a month out. With this being said, I could plan this whole wedding a year out and he is not allowed to take off for this wedding until 30 days prior. I mean, just INSANE. I have to be so strategic when picking a wedding date for these reasons, which is a whole other stressor. I have now been programmed, whenever I plan a trip or anything else, which days/months he typically goes on trips and plan around this. I simply go off of what I have seen in the past, knowing none of that could matter, and base my logic off of this. It is the only guidance I have.

In addition to choosing a new date I had to reach out to each of my individual vendors to see what their COVID policies were and if they were available for the new date. Everything was happening SO fast and with so little time. The dates were thrown out to brides like the Hunger Games and it felt like first come first served. As angry as I could have been you have to remember NO ONE has ever had any experience with handling a situation like this before. It is CRAZY on all ends, brides, vendors, and venues. I was lucky my vendors were so generous with rescheduling and we could find a date easily they were all available on, which again was now Saturday, August 15, 2020.

Immediately following my vendors, was updating all the guests in the wedding. I sent out emails, texts, and phone calls. My mom, Fiance, and I split the group into 3 to make some headway. My fiance reached out to his family and friends and my mother and I split our friends/relatives. We let them know of the new date and said we would send new invitations/save the dates in the upcoming weeks. Our invitation website we ordered from said they would reprint our invitations for only 20% of the total cost. HOW NICE! Seriously.

If I could say one thing to businesses it would be this…people WILL remember and talk about how you handled yourself and your business during COVID. ALWAYS keep that in mind.

Next I had to call and cancel the honeymoon/Bachelorette party. This was a difficult pill to swallow as I was truly looking forward to a fun filled weekend with my girlfriends along with going to the Bahamas with John. The Bahamas has been on my bucket list for years and canceling this trip was a really difficult moment. I was lucky enough to get almost all my money back, however I did learn to NEVER book flights through a 3rd party. Always book them yourselves. Good lesson to be learned.

As the months continued to fly by, I started to realize August could still be too soon. Everyday I was watching the news, waiting to hear about the numbers going down, praying things would start to open up. Sure, this summer things started to open up such as outdoor dining, beaches, etc. but it wasn’t enough for me to have the wedding of my dreams. I started to imagine how we could flip my venue into being strictly all outside and the idea of that happening with about a 125 guest list slowly started to seem impossible, and honestly it probably was.

As the days continued to go on, I began to realize how many people I knew who feared the virus and wouldn’t come to the wedding. So many people were terrified at the thought they could catch it and spread it to a loved one. I started to think, could I forgive myself if everyone got COVID at my wedding? What is someone ended up in the hospital? In addition to this, almost everyone at the wedding was driving at least 2 hours to this venue. Was it really safe for everyone to travel? I had family and friends 2 hours away, in a different states, and a whole other country!

Suddenly, it was the end of June and I had to sit down with myself and be realistic. Could this logistically truly work out in a way where everyone felt 100% comfortable? Where no one would have to wear masks? Could I have my wedding the way I always envisioned? And so on. The answer every time was “no.” A big, fat, flat, NO. On top of this I still hadn’t even sent out new invitations/save the dates. The absolute worst part of all is feeling in a constant state of limbo, always wondering what to do. I was uneasy, depressed, and just emotionally exhausted. The best day of my life was starting to have a forever black cloud hovering over me. I knew in my heart, August 15, 2020 was no longer a date I wanted to move forward with.

I now had to change my wedding date for a 2nd time. I thought it was crazy changing it once but now twice? It is A LOT for anyone to cope with. After a tremendous amount of back and forth with our wedding venue over a new date for 2021, and really truly thinking about John’s work schedule, we are now planned to get married Sunday, July 4, 2021. Yes the fourth of July and yes, a whole year later. Is it crazy to say that I’m nervous that date won’t even work? I’d like to say yes but I know brides pushing their weddings back to 2022 just for that reason. These are such crazy unpredictable times I honestly don’t blame them.

I know a lot of people decided to have a small ceremony now followed by a big reception in a year and honestly we thought about doing this A LOT. It was a huge debate in my mind for months. I even bought an elopement dress just in case. This would be a smart plan especially with John being in the Military but I knew, for me personally, if I had a small ceremony and then the big reception later, it wouldn’t have been as special for me. I refused to let COVID take that day and those moments away from me. This is why we decided to push it back by a whole year. Everyone is different and I think small ceremonies are gorgeous, authentic, intimate, and can be more special but I knew in my heart this wasn’t the right move for me at this time.

We again had to check with all the vendors, notify all the guests, update the hotel, and currently are creating our new “save the dates.” Now we wait. We wait a whole 365 days.

As upsetting as this all is, I surprisingly felt at peace. I was no longer in the troubling state of limbo, questioning what would happen every single day. I was no longer debating what I should or should not be doing. I had a plan and we could finally move forward with our lives. Once I became at peace I was able to ease up and breathe. All of a sudden, a positive rush of emotions came to me.

I began to see all the positives in changing our date. I now have a longer time to plan the wedding, since originally I only had 7 months. I could lose all the weight I wanted to lose but never did. I could possibly have a “normal” Bachelorette party. My wedding would happen during warmer weather and not a 50/50% chance of a “rainy” April day. I have time to save more money. I can actually enjoy being engaged without all the pressures of planning a wedding in a quick 7 months. The venue, vendors, hotel, etc are all planned and booked so I literally have nothing to do until a couple of months out. We’re getting married on a Sunday Holiday so most people will automatically have the Monday right after off, which makes me feel like I am getting a Saturday even though I’m not. Now that my wedding is a Sunday and most people will have Monday off, a lot of my bridal party doesn’t have to take time off work for my wedding anymore as they can come in Saturday or Friday night. There are SO many positives to this crazy situation.

Being realistic, in the sense that 2020 has been a crazy ride, I have it set in my heart if we STILL cannot have our “normal wedding” next year, we will still get married on Sunday, July 4, 2021. It may not be the wedding I always thought I would have. It may not be the wedding I always dreamed of. It may not be what I always envisioned, but it will be beautiful, special, unique, and memorable.

I think for all COVID brides it’s so important to remember this journey is unlike anything any of our relatives have ever seen. We are in uncharted waters and what is “normal” has been thrown out the window. At the end of the day follow your heart and do what is best for you and your fiance. Do NOT let anyone make you feel bad for how you decide to move forward with your wedding. If your guests wear masks, don’t wear masks, you elope, you push your wedding off 2 years, etc. Whatever it may be, as long as you are happy, that is ALL that matters. It is YOUR day. Try to find the positives in this unpredictable situation. We’re all in this together and remember you are NOT alone.

I would even say join a COVID support group for brides. I know that sounds kind of silly but I did and being able to relate to other brides going through the same thing makes me feel less alone in this crazy pandemic. Again, I know it is so incredibly hard, but find those positive moments. Find those silver linings. Find those glimmers of hope and hold onto them. Your day may not be how you envisioned it but this is YOUR story and it is unique. Plus, you’ll never have to worry that your wedding will not be memorable, because trust me, everyone will remember your wedding more than anyone else’s.

Also, there is no “right” answer. There is no “correct” way to plan around this. Just follow your heart and do what’s “right” for you.

Trust me, I understand all the struggle’s of a COVID bride, and it is not easy! There is SO much more I could have written about my experience as a COVID Bride. So much more of the good, the bad, and the ugly. There were numerous disagreements/long discussions with my family, the wedding venue, and my vendors. They weren’t all pleasant conversations by any means, but you need to remember everyone is struggling.

I think another great take away from everything is FIGHT for what you want and deserve. You’re the one putting up money and paying for this day, so make sure you get what you want. Do NOT settle. You deserve the world and everything you want to put into it. Stay strong my ladies and stay positive. Our stories might be crazy but they make us stronger and are beautiful. We GOT this!

Overall, from my personal experience, I cannot thank everyone enough. My family, my friends, my venue, my vendors, and so on. Everyone has been BEYOND understanding and respectful of this situation. I have felt so loved and cared for, it has been truly amazing. Thank you everyone for helping me through these difficult times. I truly appreciate and notice all your efforts.